


our (not so) little secret

by daikiss (rubanrose)



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Fluff, M/M, anyway yamada n chinen r in love, im sorry this is Bad, my first hsj fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 04:39:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8130721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubanrose/pseuds/daikiss
Summary: It's Yamada's birthday and he'd rather be home with Chinen than be celebrating with his friends, letting secrets slip out





	

They were celebrating. There was alcohol, but Yamada made sure there was no excess  since Chinen blabbered on and on about things that were best not mentioned when he drank too much. Yamada kept stealing glances at him, sitting across the table, his eyes serious to make sure his lover wasn’t drinking too much. 

“Why are you so serious?” asked Inoo, cheeks red and eyes shining brightly from the alcohol.

Yamada shook his head. He told them he didn’t want to do anything special for his birthday. He just wanted to be home, with Chinen. And fuck, probably.

It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy spending time with his friends and groupmates. Their monthly night out to drink was, at some point in his life, one of the only things that kept him going after the long, difficult work hours. 

It became harder the day Yamada had something to hide from them. With alcohol Chinen blabbered and Yamada was overly confident, a perfect mix to end up telling the world they were fucking. (Not that that was all they did. Chinen was a lot more than a fuck buddy.) 

There was also the fact that with their busy schedules, they barely had time to spend alone together and Yamada kept thinking about the fact that he’d much rather be fucking Chinen (or; making pancakes, playing board games, watching romantic comedies,  _ karaokeing)  _ than be listening to Yaotome’s drunk dad jokes. 

His legs were tangled with Chinen’s under the table. The lights in the restaurant were dimmed, the food not great, the alcohol too cheap. They kept drinking and drinking, and Yamada faked a headache to get a glass of water. It was his birthday after all, so it was hard to refuse him anything, but him not drinking meant he could drink Chinen’s drink for him once in a while without anyone realizing. 

“I'm tired” said Yamada with a sight. 

“But the cake” said Arioka, quickly shutting up when he saw Yamada’s threatening glare. 

“Yam. Come on, it's your birthday why don't you have some fun. You've been such a prick lately, what’s wrong with you” said Yuto, and everyone was silent suddenly. They all looked at him. 

“I’m seeing someone.”

 

* * *

 

_ It all started with a wet dream. When Yamada came out of his long, hot shower that morning to find Chinen wearing pajamas in his kitchen cooking, he couldn’t help but blush. The confident, proud Yamada Ryosuke blushing was a rare thing, and Chinen did not miss it. _

_ The younger boy hated being home alone and as Yamada was his best friend, he often slept in the extra room in his apartment. Yamada didn’t mind, he loved having Chinen around, always did, that is, unless he had a wild dream about him during the night.  _

_ “I heard you moan last night” said Chinen without much tact as usual, just saying things as they were, and if Yamada could’ve turned into a statue right there, he would have without any hesitation.  _

_ There were a few options in his situations.  _

_ “I hit my toe on the bed frame” he said, it being the only option with it not being necessary admitting he was thinking anything sexual. Or running away, but that was the last option in case something really went wrong. _

_ “Right. You named your bed frame after me? That’s nice” continued his friend, his face blank but a hint of amusement in his voice like he was particularly having fun torturing Yamada but was trying to hide it.  _

_ Yamada glanced at the door. Chinen was quite a fast runner, was there any way for him to outrun him? His hair was messy, what if someone saw him? Where would he even go, Chinen would have to catch up with him at some point.  _

_ All of his options were gone. The bathroom door was closer to Chinen, the windows were closed and would take too long to open, he couldn't fit under the table.  _

_ “Fuck” he said. “I had a wet dream.”  _

_ Chinen smiled at little. He leaned against the kitchen counter, taking a long sip of his fuming coffee.  _

_ Chinen liked his coffee hot and with sugar and milk while Yamada liked it black and cooled down. Chinen always left a cup of coffee on the counter for Yamada, and once when he was at Chinen’s apartment, he found two or three old cups of black, cold coffee that had probably been there a few days as if Chinen automatically poured Yamada a cup even when they weren't together. It had warmed his heart, and he could remember thinking that it would be nice if they could always be together, so a cup of coffee could be waiting for him every morning.  _

_ “A wet dream,” repeated Chinen. “And it involved me?”  _

_ “Yes, it was a wet dream involving you” admitted Yamada, accepting the fact that he could not run away.  _

_ It would also not get him into Chinen’s pants if he ran away.  _

_ “I thought you were straight” said Chinen, and Yamada bit his lip.  _

_ “I never defined what I was.” _

_ “I’ve been crushing on you for 9 years.”  _

_ He ran. Not towards the door, no, but towards his friend. Cupping his face and pressing their lips together.  _

_ Yamada had liked Chinen for quite a long time, but he truly believed it was a friendly crush as he analyzed his feelings multiple time in the past, that he was only appreciating his friend’s good looks when he looked at him a little too long. It wasn't anything serious to him, at least until the dream because that meant that he'd be ready to do more, to be more. He came to the conclusion, while he was in the shower, that it meant Chinen didn't have to be just a good looking friend, a comforting presence in his apartment, or his first kiss 9 years before.  _

 

* * *

 

“What? Who? Do we know her?” asked Arioka, his opened wide. 

“I’m not sure” said Yamada, sharing a questioning look with Chinen. The younger boy looked as surprised as everyone else, but it surely wasn’t for the same reason. 

“Since when?” 

Yamada bit his lip. 

“Their 6 months anniversary is in a few days” said Chinen. He looked at his boyfriend with shining eyes and a soft smile, and just like that Yamada knew he did well telling them, because he hated keeping secrets, and he trusted his friends, and also because he loved Chinen so much and wanted to show him to the whole world, his whole world being his group. 

“You know her?” asked Yuto, looking a bit hurt. 

Chinen chuckled. 

“You could say that.” 

 

* * *

 

_ It was Christmas, the last one before they debuted. Back then they would spend pretty much every second of everyday day together. Chinen had recently turned 13, and they decided to eat somewhere together, just the two of them. They bought each other friendship bracelets, and, by 8:30 they were standing outside in front of the tall Christmas tree that was near Yamada’s house.  _

_ “I wanted to walk you home” said Yamada for the 10th time in the last 2 minutes, and Chinen just looked up at the tree, pretending not to hear him. He had insisted to be the one walking Yamada home because he wanted to see the Christmas tree, and his curfew was half an hour later than Yamada’s and the older boy had no argument against that.  _

_ Snowflakes slowly fell from the sky, melting as soon as they hit the ground. Yamada held Chinen’s hand, for the official reason that he was cold, for the unofficial reason that he wanted to feel closer to his friend.  _

_ “I like boys” he said, and Yamada shrugged, turning his body towards his friend so they were face to face.  _

_ “Okay.”  _

_ “Okay?”  _

_ “Yeah, okay. Is it confession time? I think you’re quite good looking” said Yamada.  _

_ Yamada knew Chinen liked boys. He knew because whenever one of the older boys showed them sexy pictures of girls he faked a smile and pretended to be interested. He knew when Chinen was faking.  _

_ They shared a smile.  _

_ “Do you think we’ll be able to date people when we debut?” asked Chinen and Yamada shrugged. “Do you think I’ll ever get to kiss someone?” wondered Chinen softly, and Yamada pulled on his hand to make him come closer.  _

_ “Just because we’ll be celebrities doesn’t mean we won’t have a life” he said, and Chinen looked at him for a long time without reacting.  _

_ He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Yamada’s, only for a few seconds.  _

_ Yamada’s heart was beating quickly.  _

_ He ignored it for the next 9 years.  _

 

* * *

“Wait” said Yabu, frowning, looking between the two boys who seemed to be having a conversation with their eyes. 

All the eyes were on him as he slowly pushed his chopsticks to the floor. 

He stood up, then bent down to pick them up. 

“Christmas is coming up, isn't it” he said when he sat down again. 

There was a moment of extreme confusion. 

Chinen’s foot was tapping softly against his.

And then Yamada understood. 

 

* * *

_ There was a time they used to play truth or dare late at night, on Fridays, all 9 of them. The younger ones still in high school were finally free for the weekend, and everyone could get together at the same time, after whatever schedule they had, no matter what their schedule in the morning was because it was important for them to spend time together outside of work, to not forget they were more than just members of the same groups, or that was what Yamada believed.  _

_ It was way past midnight already. They were all sitting in a circle in the living room, the muted TV behind Yamada being the only source of light in the room, if Chinen didn’t count as that.  _

_ “Chinen” said Takaki, and Yamada glanced at the boy sitting next to him, still short, even more good looking, still bright and smart and cool, but growing older, into an adult. “Who was your first kiss?”  _

_ Yamada’s breath got caught in his throat. He didn’t keep secrets, and he didn’t mean not to tell them, but that story felt personal, like something that was just for Chinen and Yamada to know.  _

_ Chinen kept opening and closing his mouth, like a fish, as if he was trying to find the right words, as if he was considering his options.  _

_ “It was me,” said Yamada, forcing a laugh, saving Chinen from having to say it.  _

_ “What?” asked Inoo, eyes wide, mouth open, just like most of the members.  _

_ “Christmas, the year before we debuted” said Chinen. “We kissed in front of the christmas tree when I walked him home...as a joke of course.” _

_ Yamada frowned. It surely did not feel like a joke back then. He had never considered his first kiss a joke, no matter that it was Chinen, a boy, and his best friend.  _

_ He was upset, but he smiled at Chinen and joked with his friends. Everything was fine.  _

 

* * *

There was chocolate cake, and Yamada couldn’t eat. He was nervous. Yabu knew, everyone could realize at anytime. What would they think? Should they just tell everyone the truth? Will they be mad he didn’t tell them it wasn’t a girlfriend he had but a boyfriend? Would they be mad they lied to them? What was he supposed to do? 

And to think all he wanted to do for his birthday was to watch a movie, cuddle with Chinen and fuck. And he had something he had to say to his boyfriend, and it was already making him nervous. He didn’t need all that stress. 

“Are you okay?” asked Chinen, and Yamada forced a smile, nodding. “Okamoto? Mind if we switch places?” asked Chinen, and before Yamada could react they were both standing up, walking to the other side of the table. Chinen let himself fall on the chair next to his boyfriend. 

“Eat some cake, will you” he said, picking up Yamada’s fork. 

“Are you gonna feed me?” asked Yamada with a smirk. Chinen nodded, bringing the fork closer to Yamada’s mouth. 

They were off in their own world. They usually tried to tone it down around other people as much as they could, but Yamada needed Chinen, and he didn’t want to tone it down. 

Chinen pushed a strand of hair behind Yamada’s ear, and he smiled softly, pushing the half eaten cake away. 

“I don’t care, you know” whispered Chinen, taking Yamada’s hand. 

“About what?” 

“If they know. Wouldn’t it make it easier?” he asked and Yamada bit his lip. 

He had forgotten the other members were around him. It was easy to forget the world, when he was with Chinen. It happened all the time. When they watched movies, he would always miss important parts because he was looking at Chinen. He kept burning things when they cooked together because he got distracted. 

“I know you guys are often together at Yamada’s house” announced Takaki, putting his fork down at the table. “Why do you even take separate taxis?” 

Everyone seemed confused, except Yabu who poured himself another drink, chuckling to himself. 

“Do you even go to your own house?” asked Yamada to Chinen, and they both laughed even if it wasn’t funny because it relieved the tension. 

“I feel like i’m missing something here,” said Okamoto. 

“Where you guys always like this, too?” Yaotome pointed between the two of them, to their hands, and the cake that Chinen had been feeding Yamada. “Why are you acting like you’re dating? Didn’t you just admit to having a girlfriend?” 

“I never said it was a girlfriend I had…” 

It took a few seconds until they all realized what this meant. 

“Christmas…” said Arioka, his eyes widening as he glanced at Yabu. 

“I always thought you’d make a nice couple” admitted Yuto.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” asked Inoo.

The couple shared a look. 

“We weren’t sure about how you’d react” said Chinen, and Yamada bit his lip because he knew that wasn’t exactly it. 

“Bullshit. We’ve been friends for 10 years. We’ll like and support you both no matter what” protested Arioka, and Yamada nodded. 

“I wanted to keep this all to myself. Chinen, this relationship. I didn’t want any of you to know because it was our secret, i was scared it would put pressure on us. I’m sorry” admitted Yamada. “But now we’re serious enough and I know you all deserve to know, and it will only make it easier for us.” 

“We can save on taxi fare” joked Chinen, because they always took separate taxis to Yamada’s house so no one would realize. 

And just like that, everyone knew, and it didn’t really matter. 

Later, when they entered Yamada’s apartment, worn out but happy, it wasn’t even Yamada’s birthday anymore, but Chinen wanted to celebrate. 

“Wait, wait” protested Yamada as he was pulled towards the bedroom, where Chinen opened a drawer. 

He pulled out a framed picture, and Yamada took it from his hands, his jaw dropping. 

“Is this…”

“Yes, it’s the first picture we took together after you joined, i thought we could put it here” said Chinen. “I wanted to get you something special, but what do you not already have.” 

Yamada stared at the two young boys on the picture, it was crazy to think of all the things they went through together, and how much they grew. 

“I love it. Thanks” he said, leaning forward and kissing Chinen softly. “And I love you.” 

Chinen’s eyes widened, his lips curled into a smile. Yamada had never had the courage to tell him he loved him before. 

“I love you too” he said, and Yamada leaned in again for more kisses. 


End file.
